Finding out who I want to be!
by Headsup 7up
Summary: Life is a mystery to everyone! Whether your life is planned by destiny, your mother or you are as free as a bird. Now it is time for Usa to contemplate what she want's in life


Okay this was the first thing I ever put up on fan fiction and it should probably be revised but…. I'm not sure I really should, tell me what you want. None of this has changed all I did was make it easier on the eyes!!! Any ways I'm still working on Separated Siblings and always a smile they are coming out slowly cause I did bad in school and my parents are pressuring me… *gulp* I get a lot of the *evil eye* around here…ACK!!! Like now so if Any one cares or wants those stories continued ask and you shall receive. JA NE!!

Dear Diary.  
  
IT is not the world who turns its back on you but you who turn your back on the world. The truth or would that rise in fiction? Then again it depends on what you believe in. How you've been treated throughout life. How many times you've found happiness or been betrayed. Emotions are what lead you to these conclusions. Emotions? Why were they ever created? Where do they even come from, heart or mind? Could they even be figments of our imagination? All they ever seem to do is get in your way! For instance if you know you should be mad at someone because they hurt you but you brush it off because you don't want to hurt them. 

Isn't that wrong? 

Why am I even thinking these things? Why am I contemplating my emotions? Am I truly this unhappy or this worried that I'll hurt someone even if they hurt me? Have I turned my back on every thing that I'm sworn to protect? Wait, I didn't want this….I don't even protect the world unless I'm absolutely needed…I'm normally the one getting saved! Does that mean that I'm putting people in Danger! I don't care if I don't want this I don't want anyone to be hurt. 

Damn enemies only come for me any ways! Beryl, Alan and Ann (figured that they wanted my energy), Diamond, the list goes on! So why am I here? Why am I here if I put people in danger? Technically Serenity no Hime was only reborn in case Beryl attacked again so since Beryl's gone shouldn't Serenity have left as well as my destiny? So I wouldn't be with Mama-chan, technically he was Serenity's true love not mine! So I would be with someone else… maybe I would be with Sieya. Maybe even a human! Maybe I would have gone off with Diamond he didn't seem that bad, he also said he loved me.

Arg! What am I thinking? My destiny has been placed before my eyes for centuries I can't escape it! My emotions mean nothing! Well what do think about this mother! You'll probably read this any ways. Hell you could be reading this now! So what do you think? You obviously though it would be fun to write my life like a fairy tale! Well I've got news for you. They don't exist or I would be very happy now. Mina-chan knows how I feel being the Goddess of love and all.then again why should she? How could she sense my feelings I've probably hidden them enough underneath my smile. Do any of them even look close, close enough o see through my little façade? Hey I'm still the klutzy, dope everybody knows and love, but do any of them look close enough to see my troubles? Molly, one of my best friends and then my stupid destiny came and I never see her. 

I have to wonder sometimes if my mother is trying to pick who my friends are and how they should influence me. Who does she think she is? I should be able to make friends with whom ever I chose! I think a change is in order! It is about time to start doing things that I want to do! Don't you think? Hanging out with my other friends, going to the arcade to play games and talk to Motoki-chan, visiting the temple to visit not for business! Does that sound selfish? I bet to you who read this it does but I'm allowed to feel this way aren't I? 

I'm the leader, the one who is supposed to make decisions yet I make none, the one who is to protect yet end up needing to be saved, the one to follow into battle yet I hate fighting. Yes I never did tell anyone that but shouldn't it be obvious? I would rather talk any thing out then fight. I do it though for the ungrateful people around us. Fame, no I don't want that but I want to be shown respect. Tabloids make up cruel stories about us to give the people something to read about. Don't they realize how much it hurts?! That's it some thing has to be done. The people rely on us so much that they don't realize that there are dangers are all around. Even my friends don't see it! We fight almost three to four times a week, someone one of these days is going to get seriously hurt or… no can't think about that. Don't worry all that rambling has a point, the point is me! I feel that they take me for granted. They probably think I'll always be around to bring whoever gets hurt with the holy Ginzuishu! Well they are wrong! Do they not see how much that takes out of me? Sigh. I mean who knows I could possibly be the next to go! I would go lying to my parents, my (other) friends, relatives because they don't want people we TRUST to know! How much sense does that make? Even better what happens if one of us does. pass on, how the hell does Luna or Artemis expect us to explain how she died?! Then again you haven't seen some of the scrapes we've gone home with! Hell, they don't deserve to be called scrapes; they're more like gashes! Ugh! 

You know the more I say that the more I like it. Well what do you think about my destiny so far Diary? Oh no that is definitely, NOT, all of it! 

Diamond, a past friend… or is he foe…… any ways during that time in my life I had to find out that my future was also laid out before me. Not only that but I know what happens! I'm, supposed, to, after my last enemy, watch as the world becomes a giant ice ball as everyone is put into a deep slumber, that neither ages them nor let them see what is going on around them. Then one thousand years I' supposed to use the bloody Ginzuishu to revive the world in all it's glory and become queen, did you here that QUEEN of the WORLD! This is supposed to be a great time of peace and happiness. Want to know what I've found out about what happens after a great time of peace.war anger and war! If peace were to last life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? It sounds like a great future but I didn't want to know it! I wanted to be able to make a future and not know what happens. 

What about children you ask? Well I want them but I already know what gender I'll have and what she'll be like when she grows up. And let me tell you, I'm not proud of it! HER name will be Rini, she will grow to have cotton candy pink hair in the same style as mine except where my 'odangoes' are she will have cones. HER eyes will the color of the red rubies and she will look like the perfect angel… well most of the time. Hey didn't any one ever tell you that looks could be deceiving! For the other time when she is NOT all sugar and sweets she is a ROTTEN SPIOLED BRAT!!! Do you ever notice how she treats me and puts on a show for every one else? Then again it's probably hard for you to notice unless I right it down ne? Maybe I should discreetly visit my future see what's up? 

The future isn't exactly what bugs me it's the fact that I am Not allowed to make any mistakes... HELLO, were talking about the girl who gets thirty on half of her tests! Sigh. This is some of my life and I probably sound like I'm complaining a lot but I'm at least allowed that in private… aren't I? I think it's time for a change! Time for me to become what I want not who people want me to be! I will keep responsibility but will show people that they won't always be protected. I will take a break and if people can't except that well. screw them! Let me tell you a secret one I've been keeping from everyone who is important to me. I Tsukino, Usagi am a re-born princess expected to carry on her destinies, Two souls in one body. I am the future ruler of a utopia called Crystal Tokyo. And I am a sailor scout, leader to the others who don't except me, the pretty sailor soldier in the sailor suit, Sailor Moon. I am the tortured soul that wishes to be free from destiny.  
  
With that the Diary closed and a sigh was heard as the crinkling noise of furniture echoed in the small room. Eyes of wonder and awe reached the rays from the sun on this beautiful day as short dirty blond, almost brown, hair moved lightly with the breeze from the open window.  
  
"My… Masaka!" the boyish voice was heard. Yet it did not hold the same feeling's as his eyes held, the voice was full of worry. The light brown eyes flecked with black glanced back at his sister's diary entry to see if he had missed anything, he hadn't. A slam of the door was heard as an angelic voice went through the house announcing that are blond haired friend had arrived home. The boy hurriedly put the diary back into its hiding spot before heading to his room to think about what he had just read. He was not fast enough before he heard his sister's voice call to him.  
  
"Hey, squirt! How are you doing?" playful blue eyes questioned with joy.  
  
"Fine, just fine." And with that Shingo walked leaving his puzzled sister behind. Though maybe that was a façade because he happened to miss a small knowing smile stretch across her face.  


@@@@@@@@@@@

So did you like it? Review and tell me about it. And to ANYONE who has read my other story it will be continued I just have to find inspiration again in that one. And if any of you have checked out the original section of fanfiction.net check out a story written by midnight blue fairy. I'm it's editor/ co-author. REVIEW it will eventually get to a cross over part either the second or third chapter. JA NE


End file.
